Vaginismus Blog

Below is the compilation of the blog posts about our New York trip to the Women’s Therapy Center for treatment. I was almost done copying everything when I realized I put the earliest blog post at the bottom and the latest blog post on the top. Argh. So scroll down to the bottom to read in date order 🙂

If you or someone you know is struggling with Vaginismus please feel free to email me at or message me on Facebook. There is hope, support and a cure for this condition.

Also, check out our youtube documentary on the Women’s Therapy Center YouTube channel at

Quick Update (excerpt from previous Vaginismus Blog)
Originally posted April 18, 2011
So much as happened since the last time I posted but I wanted to post a quick update. Treatment had come to quite the plateau. I was frustrated, Bennett was frustrated and I was just ready to completely give up. God is a gracious God though and brought friends into our lives who had the same condition that we have- and they have been such a good support and prayer warriors on our behalf. To make a long story short Bennett and I have decided that we are going to be going to the Women’s Therapy Center July 18-29th. It is in Long Island New York and we feel that this is the way God is leading us. Progress is slow and I am not convinced that I will be completely cured otherwise. Our friends that we met went to the WTC and are completely cured- two weeks- no medication-no surgery- two weeks of treatment and a complete and total cure.

I am nervous out of my mind. Stressed about money as it is insanely expensive and our insurance company might not even reimburse us. But we both feel God is leading us this way.

And more than anything I want to have an intimate growing relationship with my husband. I want to love my husband the way the Bible commands us to love each other. Such a huge component of our marriage is missing and if I don’t do something soon I am really afraid I will give up permanently. So we are praising God for bringing this opportunity into our lives and we are praying that He will provide.
Yes, I have renamed my blog again. (excerpt from previous Vaginismus Blog)
Originally posted March 16, 2011
This is the third- and final- time I will rename my blog. I am now firmly convinced that I have vaginismus (also known as levator plate syndrome) and not vulvar vestibulitis so I did not want me site name to be deceiving. So my apologies for the frequent changes and broken web links.

A few things to update you all on concerning my journey:

1) I had a doctors appointment on February 28th. I was completely relieved when I found it was simply a follow-up and no examination. The appointment went well and everytime I met with this doctor I learn and understand more about my condition. I truly believe this doctor cares about my condition, wants me to be cured and seems to know a decent amount about vaginismus. He has a quiet confidence about him that I trust and admire.

One thing I like about this doctor is that he tries to teach about the condition in ways that attribute to various learning styles. Each time I have met with him he has drawn a diagram with connecting words and pictures to help me better understand my condition.

2) A really cool thing happened over the past couple of weeks. In attempts to condense the story, my husband and I are leaving our current church that he is employed at to go to another church. We will be a normal, ordinary married couple (ha, as far as ‘normal and ordinary’ can be for a married couple who can’t have sex) going to another church. My husband had felt God leading him away from the church he is employed to, to go to this other church as it is a new church plant and my husband eventually feels that God wants him to focus on church planting. Anyways- one thing lead to another and we discovered through the grape vine that there is a couple that has gone through the exact same thing we have- and they are completely cured. First off, isn’t that such an incredible God thing! We left this church not knowing what in the world God had in store for us and for God to bring us friends who understand the extreme confusion, frustration, isolation and pain that this condition causes brought such a joy, peace and awe of our God whom we serve. As you all know, we are dying for people to understand and identify what we are going through- which is why we have these blogs and use the internet to meet each other. How awesome it was for me to meet a person face to face who lives just a half and hour from us! This gracious couple invited us over for dinner and we poured our hearts out to them and they did in return. It was such a sweet and needed time of understanding and sharing, of giving advice and of listening, of simply being in the presence of someone who can look into my eyes and gets it. Now isn’t that such a God thing? This wonderful couple is now healed and have an adorable baby boy. They discussed in length their treatment- which I may post in a later entry- and now my husband and I are seriously praying in taking the same form of treatment.

My words aren’t really forming correctly right now- but I know that God cares and I know He can heal me and I know He will use this for His glory. I am overwhelmed by God’s perfect understanding and provision.

I’m a Slacker (excerpt from previous Vaginismus Blog)
Originally posted February 27, 2011
It has been awhile since I have posted. I have noticed I go in various ups and downs with my condition. Sometimes it seems it’s all I can think about and other times I completely block it out of my mind. The past few weeks has been my ‘blocking it out of my mind’ phase and just trying not to care.

I have been praising God alot the past two days. Through a random event of circumstances, I have discovered that there is a couple that goes to one of our friends churches who have gone through a very similar situation. I have facebooked messaged her and they are willing and actually excited to meet with us! I have felt so alone aside from my ‘virtual friends’ who know my struggle but I am so blessed to be able to meet someone face to face who understands…God is good- and this woman is completely healed so I am anxious to talk with her!

There have been alot of things going on non-related to my heath issues, and this verse below has been an encouragement to me.

Romans 8:16-18 “The Spirit Himself bears witness with our spirit that we are children of God, and if children, then heirs—heirs of God and joint heirs with Christ, if indeed we suffer with Him, that we may also be glorified together. For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worthy to be compared with the glory which shall be revealed in us.”

Tenacity (excerpt from previous Vaginismus Blog)
Originally posted January 23, 2011
My devotion for today was one I felt applies so perfectly for this blog. Instead of describing it myself, I thought I would just post it:

“Wherever He entered, into villages, cities, or the country, they laid the sick in the marketplaces, and begged Him that they might just touch the hem of His garment. And as many as touched Him were made well.” ~ Mark 6:56 (NKJV)

Tenacity means to cling to a belief without doubting. It is a set kind of faith, a determination that doesn’t waver. It takes a lot of tenacity to believe for a healing touch when we are sick, when our physical bodies suggest hopelessness, when we have waited a long time.

But our Father made divine healing a commodity through Jesus. In the marketplaces—the center of business—divine healings were common and useful for building people’s faith and winning souls, for setting people free from the bondage of disease, for restoring them to productivity and for the purpose of spreading the good news. Miraculous wonders of healing were evidence that Jesus was who He said He was.

Hebrews 13:8 enlightens us that “Jesus is the same yesterday, today, and forever.” Indeed, He heals today. His power hasn’t changed since He walked through marketplaces full of sick people on earth. Still, all we need is one touch from Him.

Tenacious faith is exhibited profoundly in the testimony of the woman with the issue of blood (Matt. 9:20). The Bible tells us that she was sick for 12 years. We don’t know at what rate blood drained out of her body, but we do know that blood is life. Surely, her faith was tested as she felt the very life drain out of her.

But, according to the Amplified Bible, she kept saying to herself, “If I only touch His garment, I shall be restored to health” (Matt. 9:21). Her declarations of divine truth built her faith and determination above her natural circumstances, which kept her going to the point of receiving complete healing. Touching the hem of Jesus’ garment brings perfect restoration to people (Matt. 14:36). But we must journey forth, reach out and connect.

Jeremiah 29:11-14 tells us that when we seek Him with all of our heart, we will find Him. And in His presence, His hem is available to us.

To be sure, Jesus heals in many ways, and, I believe, in His appointed time. Like salvation, healing is a faith journey extended from the very heart of God’s love, grace and mercy. But do we have the tenacity to see it through? How deep and how far are we willing to journey in our commitment to the kind of faith that brings life and restoration?

Surely, God has called us to tenacious faith. Do we humbly present or “lay” people from our assigned workplaces before Jesus? Do we desperately beseech Him for a healing touch? Do we have a heart for others to be healed, a heart for doing the work of Jesus?

So often, the Lord has shown me that when I step out in faith and pray for the restoration of others, He rewards me by caring for my needs. Tenacity is about selflessness. It is about choosing to believe the truth of God’s divine precepts over natural circumstances. And it’s about taking courage to journey forth with Jesus no matter what.

Author: Margaret D. Mitchell”
Another Doctor, Another Diagnosis (excerpt from previous Vaginismus Blog)
Originally posted January 13, 2011
I cut out the majority of this blog post as it was mainly medical information about my diagnosis being switched form vulvar vestibulitis to vaginismus. But I include the bottom portion of the post as a praise to God that He DID bring our treatment and cure to completion and He is continuing to use our story for His purpose.
I continue to dwell on Romans 8:28 and Philippians 1:6. I am so ready for the journey to be over and for Bennett and I to be in some romantic location for our second honeymoon and for this painful time to be in our past- but I know that God is using it for a reason and that He will bring it to completion in His timing.

The New Year (excerpt from previous Vaginismus Blog)
Originally posted January 1, 2011
It has been awhile since my last post. The holidays were definitely busy and even though I enjoy them, I am always happy when they are over as well. I am quite a routine individual and thrive on routine- not complete chaos, but fun nonetheless, which is the prime definition of our past two weeks.

Anyways. I was suppose to have a doctors appointment on December 20th, but recieved a phone call that morning that my doctor had a family emergency and would not be back to the office until the beginning of the New Year. I was going to make another appointment- but since I am going to the doctor in North Carolina on the 10th of this month I decided not to and to just wait and see how this appointment goes.

I am getting quite anxious to get this all out of the way. I hope this is the last year I have to deal with the physical, emotional, spiritual and relational affects of this condition. One verse that I am reminded of today is Philippians 4:5-7 ” The Lord is at hand. Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God; and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.” Often I complain and dwell on my condition instead of bringing it to the Lord. I love the first part of the verse- The Lord is at hand. He knew all of this was going to happen and He is using it for a purpose. I already see how He is using it- Bennett and I are much closer together as a result. I have seen the love of Jesus Christ so clearly through Bennett as he faithfully and humbly loves me- even though I am unable to give to him in a way the most wives can. Maybe in the future there will be other women who struggle with this condition that I will be able to reach out to. I hope so- this condition is one that is kept silent out of fear and embarrassment and it shouldn’t be.

Oh, Monday’s (excerpt from previous Vaginismus Blog)
Originally posted December 13, 2010
My mind is blank right now. The past two days have been kind of ‘blah’ days. Every so often I have days where I get down because I can’t have sex with my own husband. I feel that an important part of our marriage relationship is missing and that there is a deeper connection that could be made but has never been made due to this condition. I feel broken and damaged. I am tempted to run from God and not to Him- and to be honest- most of the time I do run. But then I am reminded of Psalm 139- one of my most absolute favorite Psalms- and I am comforted.

You have searched me, LORD,
and you know me.
2 You know when I sit and when I rise;
you perceive my thoughts from afar.
3 You discern my going out and my lying down;
you are familiar with all my ways.
4 Before a word is on my tongue
you, LORD, know it completely.
5 You hem me in behind and before,
and you lay your hand upon me.
6 Such knowledge is too wonderful for me,
too lofty for me to attain.

7 Where can I go from your Spirit?
Where can I flee from your presence?
8 If I go up to the heavens, you are there;
if I make my bed in the depths, you are there.
9 If I rise on the wings of the dawn,
if I settle on the far side of the sea,
10 even there your hand will guide me,
your right hand will hold me fast.
11 If I say, “Surely the darkness will hide me
and the light become night around me,”
12 even the darkness will not be dark to you;
the night will shine like the day,
for darkness is as light to you.

13 For you created my inmost being;
you knit me together in my mother’s womb.
14 I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
your works are wonderful,
I know that full well.
15 My frame was not hidden from you
when I was made in the secret place,
when I was woven together in the depths of the earth.
16 Your eyes saw my unformed body;
all the days ordained for me were written in your book
before one of them came to be.
17 How precious to me are your thoughts,God!
How vast is the sum of them!
18 Were I to count them,
they would outnumber the grains of sand—
when I awake, I am still with you.

How completely comforting it is to read that God has His hand upon me! He knew this was going to happen and I know He is using it to sanctify myself and Bennett. And I know He is probably using this situation to get through to my thick stubborn head to quit running and start resting in Him. I have a bad habit of when things get tough to shut down and not talk to God. I have this crazy absurd idea that God only wants me to talk to Him when I am having a happy day and everything is just dandy. How incredibly screwed up is that? God knew all this would happen before I was even born- He knows what each and every day will hold. That is a promise and something that I can rest in.


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