It’s Been Awhile…

Another five months have past and a lot of changes have happened in the Wampler household! I thought I would share through pictures some of our new adventures here in Richmond.

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We experienced a lot of snow our first few months!

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We had several friends visit us and join us in exploring our new city!

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Bennett planned a suprise balloon release in honor of our two little ones. We plan to do this regularly on their due dates and ‘birthdays into heaven’.

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We have enjoyed some yummy eats- new experiences and old favorites.

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We have had some unique and interesting encounters and adventures :)

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Lots of runs, walks and quality time spent outside (and 27 pounds lost!).

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Blessed to be working as a Chiropractic Assistant and loving it!

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Wonderful surprise dates with the love of my life. <3

A few things not pictured? New friends, great church, visits home, evening walks with our pup, lazy days by the river and more. The transition wasn’t necessarily the easiest- but Bennett and I have both said many times over the past several months how blessed and grateful we feel for this ‘new start’. We are more in love with each other then ever and know this is exactly where God wants us.

We are excited and prayerful for our future and what is to come!

When I Cannot Stand, I’ll Fall On You….

That line has been repeating in my head over and over.

When I cannot stand, I’ll fall on You.

I honestly could not have endured losing another baby if it wasn’t for the goodness of God. Even in the midst of sadness and grieving, I have been blown away by God’s grace and comfort to me during this time.

 

The main way I have felt God’s love is through my husband Bennett. I was terrified what losing another baby would do to our relationship. When we lost our first baby, I was not walking with the Lord and Bennett didn’t really understand the emotional and physical toll of losing a baby and the combination of those two things was quite trying for us.

This time was the complete opposite and I am so thankful. I think Bennett was much more connected to our baby as he had seen the heartbeat several times and had watched our baby grow. He was so excited to become a dad, and to see him cry several times during this past week over our loss strangely comforted me. I struggled with the thought of losing our baby as ‘not that big of a deal’ and felt almost guilty for grieving–yet seeing my husband who never cries sob over the loss of his child reiterated how real and alive our baby was for the precious 12 weeks we had with him, and that it hurts deeply when a baby dies-no matter how small.

I also had to make a conscious decision that I would not run from God. I had to keep reminding myself daily, hourly, that God is still good. That He is holding me and comforting me and grieving with me. That He is for me, not against me (and oh how hard that is to believe during times like these!). Those first few days when I physically and emotionally couldn’t face reading the Bible, Bennett would hold my hand and read to me and pray over me. Just those simple actions did wonders.

I honestly have been shocked how quickly I have ‘bounced back’. I have returned to work and was able to make it through my first day with minimal tears shed (ha!). I have started working out again and was even able to hold our friends baby without being a complete mess. As some of you may know, Bennett’s job is transferring us to Richmond and we are moving the first week of January. Between losing our baby and this sudden move, my ‘old self’ would be a complete and utter mess. I have actually found myself looking forward to the move.

I know God is working in me and I have thought to myself and verbalized to Bennett many times that there is no way I could handle this a second time without God. Am I still crying everyday? Yes. Do I still get jealous when I see precious newborn pictures on Facebook? Yes. Do I get angry when I think about how I have lost two babies and want nothing more in the world to be a mother, but that dream has again been pushed back? Yes. Do I get upset when I see mothers complaining about their children? (Oh how that could be a blog post in and of itself but I will not even go there) Yes. I am human, but God is stronger then these negative and sometimes sinful emotions and He is holding my hand through it all.

 

So where do we go from here? Good question as I have no idea. I just got home from my post-op check up appointment and there are more questions then answers. My doctor said that it is quite possible both of our losses were complete ‘flukes’ and that there is nothing medically wrong with Bennett or myself. She is still suggesting that we discuss options with an OB/GYN in Richmond and gave us contact information.  She did go ahead and draw blood to test for PCOS and thyroid issues so we will see if anything comes of that.

 

We still need prayers as we have many decisions before us. Do we proceed with testing before we try again? Do we try again without any testing? Do we pursue adoption and put trying for biological children on the back burner? If we do decide to adopt, should we foster to adopt or private adopt? And WHEN do we proceed once we figure out what the best option is? Do we need to have a period of not even thinking about children? Do we not have children at all? (I laugh and grimace at that option). So yes, lots of questions swirling around in our heads in between packing boxes and searching for apartments.

 

God is not done with our story. Our past four years of marriage have not played out how we planned our picture perfect life to be, but whose truly does? I would much rather God write our story then to write it myself, and I ask that you continue to read and see what God has in store for next chapter of our lives.

Final Update on Baby ‘Tobin’

I’m not really sure where to begin or what to say. My heart and head are so full of emotions and thoughts as these past three days have been myself reliving a nightmare of losing another baby. The words below are raw and rather emotional- so if thats not your forte you may just want to skip this post. But for me, I need my baby to be known and remembered and this is all a part of my healing.

I do want to start by explaining our baby’s name. From the beginning of my pregnancy I felt like my baby was a boy. Bennett and I poured over names and just fell in love with the name ‘Tobin’. We loved how unique it was, but most importantly we loved the meaning which is “the Lord is good”. For the past several weeks we have been calling our precious baby ‘Tobin’. After we found out our devastating news Bennett and I were talking about what to name the baby as we may in the future want to use the name ‘Tobin’- but it didn’t feel right to call this precious baby any other name. This baby has always been baby ‘Tobin” to us. He lived and he died and he deserves to be named and remembered- and I need to hold onto this name and try to remember during this dark time that the Lord is good.

Rewind back to this past Wednesday night. Up until then, I felt peaceful and distracted and didn’t think much about my upcoming appointment…but come Wednesday night I couldn’t sleep and had two awful nightmares that I lost sweet Tobin. I woke up nervous, sick and I just knew that Tobin was gone. I kept trying to tell myself it wasn’t true….but to be honest I knew for about a month that I would not be carrying this child for long. A few days before our nine week appointment I broke down and cried and told Bennett that something wasn’t right. Little did we know a few days later we would find a cystic hygroma. I tried to remain positive and hopeful- everyone around me was- but I knew. It’s amazing how your maternal instinct kicks in from the very beginning and I also feel God was gently preparing me for what was to come.

My Thursday morning appointment finally came after three agonizing weeks of waiting. As soon as the ultrasound tech pulled up the picture of sweet Tobin I knew he was gone. He had barely grown since our last appointment. She sadly told me that there was no heartbeat and I just began to sob…it had probably been since my last loss of sweet Mizpah that I had cried like that. I was given three options. Wait to miscarry on my own, have a procedure done in the office (awake and only on local anesthetic) or have a D&C (surgery, full general anesthesia). I miscarried our first baby on my own, and I was much earlier and it was incredibly painful and traumatic and I knew I couldn’t do that again. My body had yet to recognize the baby was gone and it could be weeks before it would. I couldn’t even fathom being awake while my baby was being removed so I decided on a D&C.

That evening I spent most of my time at my parents house with Bennett and my family. All I could think about is that this will be the last day that I will carry my precious baby. Every night Bennett would lay his hand on my stomach and thank God for our baby. It was hard knowing the prayer would be different.

Friday morning came and we headed to the hospital. The doctor was running four hours behind due to an emergency- as tired as I was sitting in a holding room waiting for surgery I kept thinking about his emergency. Praying for that sweet mom who may very well have been losing her baby too. The time came for me to go back and I held on to my mom begging her to not let them take my baby. She cried with me- knowing not only that her daughter was hurting but she was losing a grandbaby as well. She came to every appointment and saw every heartbeat and I know she was just as connected as I was.

The surgery was over in a blink of an eye. The pain afterward isn’t bad- practically nothing in comparison to the emotional pain knowing that your baby is no longer there.

Now here I am, in my childhood bedroom at my parents house. Its comforting being here–being at our house is just too hard right now. Just down the hall my mom has turned an empty bedroom into the ‘Grandchild’ room. She told me she would go in there and pray for Tobin daily. I couldn’t go into that room on Thursday or Friday- but this morning I knew I needed too. I laid on the bed and cried and told God I didn’t understand- then left and closed the door.

So, where do we go from here? I really don’t know… My mom has been reminding me I only need to take today. My heart just longs for children so badly. In the future, our doctor recommended Bennett and I to go for testing to see if this will continue to be a pattern or if we simply just had two freak cases of bad luck. Yes, its awful that my babies died- but they aren’t bad luck. Their my babies and I can’t wait to see them again. I long for heaven so much.

 

I will post more about the logistics of doctor recommendations and our next steps of action later- but today I’m sad and I’m grieving the loss of my child-and that’s okay.

 

I appreciate each and everyone of you who have prayed and loved on us. No, the outcome we wanted didn’t happen but I do take comfort that God healed my baby in His way and that I will see Tobin again. I appreciate each and everyone of you who has been following our story of waiting, patience and loss. Please keep following–I know in my heart all this sorrow is not just for nothing and I know in my heart I will be a mother one day and I want you to see how God is going to do that for us. Because I am confident He will.

 

Until then, please take a look at this beautiful picture of our precious baby Tobin.

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Sweet Tobin,

Mommy and Daddy love you so much–even in just the short time we had with you. How blessed we are that when we get to Heaven we not only get to see our Loving Savior but we get to finally hold and love on both of our sweet babies. But for now, I will rest knowing that He is holding you now.

What to Expect When You are Expecting A Baby with a Cystic Hygroma…

Please excuse my cheesy attempt for a blog title…Bennett and I watched What to  Expect When You are Expecting just a few days before we found out the news about our little one–and I can say that these past 11 weeks have been nothing like the movies! :)

Thursday cannot get here soon enough! I was doing pretty good these past few weeks staying busy and distracted, but last night sleep took awhile to come and all I could think about is what is going on with our precious baby. The statistics are daunting. 70% chance of losing this baby before first trimester, 40% after the first trimester, 85% chance of this baby being born with a disability and a mere 15% chance of it being healthy.

But as a dear relative told me- Our God is not a God that follows statistics and I take comfort in that.

There are three different scenarios that we will face when we go to our appointment on Thursday:

1) Complete and total resolution of the cystic hygroma! This is our plea and prayer that our baby will be completely healed. This is less likely according to our doctor, but she has seen it happen and I have had several people tell me that their babies were diagnosed but within a few weeks the hygroma resolved on its own.

2) The cystic hygroma is still there. If this is the case, they will do a Harmony Prenatal DNA test. It is a non-invasive blood test to test for several chromosomal abnormalities which include:

Trisomy 21: Down Syndrome.

Trisomy 18 and 13: Both have a high risk of losing baby in utero, and if baby is born will have severe heart defects and life span is extremely short.

Turners: Affects girls only. Short stature, physical deformities, learning disabilities.

*The ‘perk’ to having this test done is we will be able to find out early if we are having a boy or a girl :)

If this test comes back negative, more testing will be done to test for  Penashokier, Noonan and Roberts Syndrome:

Penashokier: Growth problems, underdeveloped lungs,  facial abnormalities, high chance of losing baby in utero or shortly after birth

Noonan: Unusual facial characteristics, short stature, heart defects, other physical problems and possible developmental delays.

Roberts: Characterized by limb and facial abnormalities, slow growth, mild to severe intellectual impairment occurs in half of all people with Roberts syndrome. This condition has been a particular one of interest to Bennett and I and our family as we have a nephew who has similar symptoms of Roberts but a official diagnosis has not been given yet- but he is such a wonderful baby and we would be blessed to have a child like him! Of course, we are wondering if it is genetic but it is too early to tell at this point until we have further testing done with our baby.

3) Our baby has passed on to be with Jesus. As hard as it is to type those words, I must realize that this could be what we face come this Thursday. If that is the case, a D&C (surgery) will most likely be needed. I think of Job and Paul in the Bible- how they asked God to deliver them from their trials- but they weren’t delivered in the way they had hoped. This is a reality but over these past few weeks the Lord has truly surrounded me with His love and I know even if this happens- He is still good.

A year and a half ago, we lost our first baby. This month he/she would have turned one. I struggled greatly with this loss and went into a deep depression. This time around I learned not to run from God when the pain is great- but to run to Him. He truly is sufficient to handle ALL of our struggles and He provides peace that no one and nothing else can.

My mom and I started to do a Bible study together called “Stronger” after we found out about the potential difficulties the baby may face. Today’s devotion was all about stress and anxiety, how applicable! :) One quote in particular resonated with me and I wanted to share:

“In fact, God never intended for me, or you, to be strong enough on our own. We were made to need Him, run to Him, and surrender to Him. As I see it, we have two choices when confronted with the stress of our lives. We can succumb to greater anxiety, fear and pain and continue to rack our minds for solutions and exhaust our bodies with worry. Then try to squeeze answers from other fallen people whose stress is probably greater then ours. Or we can choose to surrender our stress to the strength of God. HE IS STRONGER.”- Angela Thomas

When we give our stress and worries to God, we aren’t saying they don’t exist or that they aren’t difficult and incredibly painful. We are saying that:

“These worries I carry are legitimate concerns, but God is faithful and good. This situation I’m facing is awful and scary, but God is with me and promises He’ll never leave me”-Angela Thomas.

So with those words in mind, our hearts desire and prayer is that we can post on Thursday- Praise God! Our baby is healed!- but we may have to post that the cystic hygroma is still there and additional testing is being done. We may have to post that our sweet baby has gone to be with the Lord. And if we have to post either one of those things- I will still say with confidence that He is still good and He is stronger.

If you are reading this, you most likely have been following our story and have been praying for us. We truly have felt your prayers and we can not thank you enough! But I also know that you may be struggling with issues that are drowning you, that you feel you cannot handle on your own. Know that God is stronger and take comfort in Him.

Psalm 91:4 “He will cover you with his feathers. He will shelter you with his wings.His faithful promises are your armor and protection.”

Steady My Heart

One song that has been on the forefront of my mind this past week has been Kari Jobe’s “Steady My Heart”- and God has answered that desire and truly has steadied my heart.

I want to thank each and every one of you for your prayers–I was completely blown away last week when we had over 10,000 views of the blog post asking for prayer. I posted it for local family and close friends to see- yet people kept sharing and sharing and we had people from all over the world viewing the post and praying for us! Bennett and I were, and still are, blown away by all the support, love and prayers. We both truly feel peace and strength that can only come from Jesus alone. And please forgive us for not being able to respond to every post and comment- but know we have read every single one!

I originally had a doctors appointment scheduled for today, but had received some words of caution about having too many ultrasounds from some trusted friends in the medical profession. I also had trusted friends in the medical profession tell me not to worry at all about having too many ultrasounds- but I would rather err on the side of caution, plus termination is not an option at all so there really was no need for me to go today, just for my own personal assurance. Our next appointment is Thursday the 21st so I would greatly appreciate your prayers. I will be a few days shy of 12 weeks and they will do an ultrasound as well as several blood tests.

Our specific prayer though is this- that we would see a healthy baby, no abnormal fluid with a strong heartbeat. We would love for you to pray with us this prayer as well!

Again, we are thankful for you and your prayers. We know no matter what- this is a part of our unique story that can be used to glorify God and that is our  ultimate desire and prayer.

Asking For Your Prayers…

Today we planned to announce our pregnancy with joy and excitement, but instead we are announcing with fear, love for our child and a plea for prayers.

We found out in September that we were pregnant and we were ecstatic! It was such a direct answer to our prayers and started to fill my longing to become a mother. Ever since I can remember I never desired a career or any other occupation. I want to be a mother. We went to our first ultrasound two weeks after we found out, only to be told that we most likely would lose this baby. All the fears of my previous loss came running back, yet I asked God to work a miracle and that we would see a precious heartbeat at our next appointment. A week later, we returned and we saw a beautiful heartbeat- yet we were told once again we would lose this baby. The heart rate was too slow (109bpm) and the baby was measuring too small. I began to pray again and ask God that at our next appointment the heart rate be 150pm. The next week we showed up, the baby doubled in size and the heart rate was between 148-150bpm. I was thrilled and the doctor told me my miscarriage rate was down to 5%. I began praying again that at our next appointment that the baby would measure at least nine weeks as it was still on the small size. Today was that appointment and the heart rate was even better at 186bpm and measured at 9 weeks and 2 days! I was so happy- but yet I could tell the ultrasound tech was being quiet and something wasn’t quite right.

The doctor told us that there is abnormal fluid in the baby’s neck and abdomen, known as Cystic Hygroma. She told me that my chances of losing this baby went from 5% to 70% and if I do carry this baby to term it is at high risk of birth defects, heart defects and other conditions such as Down Syndrome, Turner Syndrome and several other conditions.

I am asking for your prayers. God has been faithful and has answered specific prayers already and I am asking for more. First, I am asking when we go back next week that there will be no abnormal fluid and we will see a perfectly healthy baby. Second, I am asking that if there is still fluid around the baby- that God will protect this little one and either heal later in the pregnancy or give us the strength to help this child the best we can with whatever conditions he may have.

Third, and the most difficult is that if we lose this child that I will not become angry or bitter. That I will praise God no matter what. As I type these words, it is so hard because I love this child and no matter what difficulties the child faces medically- it will never change my love and desire to have this child, yet I must understand and accept that losing this baby is a very real possibility. I know my God is big enough to overcome these 70% odds, but I also know that things happen-chromosomal abnormalities that can cause issues such as these.

Here is a picture of our little one to keep in your prayers (we saw him wiggling around and his little arms and legs–never doubt that life begins at conception- proof right here!)-

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October 15th: Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Day

Today is National Pregnancy and Infant Loss Day. Back in 1988 President Ronald Reagan proclaimed October as the national awareness month for pregnancy and infant loss and is quoted saying, “When a child loses his parent, they are called an orphan. When a spouse loses her or his partner, they are called a widow or widower. When parents lose their child, there isn’t a word to describe them.” (October15th.com).

 

March 12, 2012 my dream of becoming a mother to the precious baby growing inside me ended. I went into my first pregnancy incredibly excited but also incredibly naïve about the 1 and 4 statistic of losing a child. I had no idea the pain and loss that I would feel would be so great- and that even to this day I get teary eyed when I think about my precious ‘Mizpah’. ‘Mizpah’ will forever be my first child and forever in my heart.

 

Since then, it appears we are struggling to have children of our own. This past weekend God settled a peace over me like no other. He reaffirmed in my heart that I will be a mother some way and some how and perhaps not how I pictured it but I know God will live up to His promises.

 

Today is even more profound to me as a dear friend of mine lost her second baby this past week. My heart broke for her and her husband- remembering the pain and loss that I felt not too long ago. It was a solemn reminder to be sensitive, enjoy what you have and realize that having children isn’t easy for a lot of women and the process is incredibly draining both physically and emotionally.

 

So in light of today, I encourage those with children to hug them, be thankful for them even in the midst of bad attitudes and big messes and sleepless nights, and be kind and compassionate to those who are struggling with their dream of parenthood.

 

For those who don’t have children and have suffered a loss- remember your sweet babies today and KNOW with confidence that Jesus is holding them. God sees your heart and desire for a child, and He will provide a way. It doesn’t make sense that it is incredibly easy for some to have children, yet so hard for us and it’s okay to question and wonder- but eventually that desire will be made whole.

 

 

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Prayers for Vaginismus Women

Once again, it has been a few months since I have posted and just felt the need to update- especially in light of the many emails I have been receiving from many women struggling with vaginismus. If I have not yet replied to your email, please be patient and know that I want to read every word and want to make sure I have the time to reply in a thoughtful manner. (Now, if you sent me an email 2 months ago and I have yet to respond its probably safe to say it ended up in my Spam mail so please resend :) )

God has been breaking my heart again over this condition of vaginismus. It is so easy for me to forget my experience and to put it behind me and forget that other women are enduring what I did a few years ago. Between heart wrenching search engine terms to emails filled with stories of heartache I am reminded how this is not just a physical condition, but a mental, emotional and spiritual one. It doesn’t just affect the woman herself, but her relationships and it can easily destroy a marriage.

Some recent search terms that have led people to my blog have included “How Could God Allow Vaginismus”, “Vaginismus loneliness”, “Help my wife has vaginismus”, “Jesus healing Vaginismus”, “Emotional Toll Vaginismus”,  “Vaginismus, my husband wants to leave me”, “Vaginismus, does it last forever?” and many more. The emotional pain and desperation behind these search terms is evident. I have also received emails with stories of husbands having affairs due to the drain this condition leaves on a marriage.

I am asking for your prayers. I obviously will not list names to protect the privacy and confidentiality of those who have emailed me- but please pray for these woman. That they will not be ashamed to speak up, seek treatment and get the help they need. That God will save their marriages, heal them from their physical condition of vaginismus but also the emotional and mental strain that comes with it.

A verse that God has placed on my mind lately that I hope will be of encouragement is Psalms 91:15

“He will call on me, and I will answer him; I will be with him in trouble, I will deliver him and honor him.”

God will answer us, He will be with us in trouble, and He will deliver us and honor us. The more I meditated on this verse I realized that it didn’t jump straight from ‘I will answer him, I will deliver him’. It is ‘I will answer him, I will be with him in trouble THEN I will deliver him….” SO many times in life we want God to answer us then immediately deliver us from our troubles, but I am comforted by this verse that God is WITH US in our troubles.

Take heart sweet friends and know that God is with you in your troubles and He promises to deliver you and honor you. You may not know when or how but He will.

 

Hibachi Veggies with Quinoa, Pan Seared Tofu and Toasted Cashews.

Bennett and I prepared another yummy vegetarian meal tonight- and even ventured out by trying tofu for the first time! If you had told me two years ago, even two months ago that I would actually be eating tofu and enjoying it I would have laughed and then asked for a steak please.

We both really love Asian flavors, as you can probably tell as this is the second Asian inspired recipe in a row. We’ll delve into some other flavors soon I am sure, but until then I hope you enjoy! The quinoa in this recipe is a much healthier substitute for white and brown rice, and the tofu takes the place of your meat. Super yummy!

Ingredients:

1 Block of Tofu (firm or extra firm)

2 Squash, chopped

1 Onion, chopped

1/2 cup of Quinoa (makes a full cup prepared).

1/2 cup of cashews

1 tablespoon of soy sauce

3 tablespoons of hoisin sauce

1 tablespoon sriracha

2 tablespoons of peanut oil (or vegetable oil)

Garlic Seasoning, sesame seeds, onion powder, salt and pepper to taste.

Directions:

1.Unwrap the tofu. Drain. Cut into cubes (or rectangles as mine turned out, ha!). Place on heavy duty paper towels then place a heavy pot on top to help drain out the excess liquid.

2. Prepare quinoa per directions on package.

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3. Coat a sauté pan with 1-2 tablespoons of peanut oil. Heat up to medium/high heat. Distribute tofu evenly on pan and cook for about 15 minutes, making sure to flip the pieces until brown and crispy on both sides. Season with garlic, salt, pepper, sesame seeds and onion powder.

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4. Coat a sauté pan with 1-2 tablespoons of peanut oil. Heat up to medium heat. Saute onions and squash until soft (approx. 10 minutes), and then add in the hoisin sauce, soy sauce, and sriracha. Stir in cooked quinoa.

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5. Once tofu is complete, transfer to paper towel to drain excess oil. Throw cashews into the same pan for approx. 30 seconds to get them nice and toasted. Turn off heat and transfer tofu back to the pain with the cashews. Spoon a nice helping of the quinoa and veggies as well as the tofu and cashews onto your plate! Bennett and I both loved eating this meal with the traditional Japanese hibachi style ‘white sauce’ or ‘yum yum sauce.

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Asian Style Chickpeas and Veggies

I thought I would share with you all some of the vegetarian recipes Bennett and I have been trying out lately. Bennett has been such a good sport with this lifestyle change for me, and he has even stated that he now wants to eat vegetarian due to the positive health changes I have already experienced in just three weeks. Plus, viewing Forks over Knives helped him decided that as well!

One of the great benefits of becoming vegetarian is that I love to cook more! Before when I cooked- I was so consumed with how many calories was in what I was cooking and most of my ingredients were processed foods that it just wasn’t enjoyable-I felt almost guilty for cooking it because I knew it wasn’t good for my body. Yes, you can very much eat unhealthy within a vegetarian diet but as long as you make a conscience choice to use lots of vegetables, fruits, legumes, beans, etc. and not sugary and fatty items it’s pretty hard to go wrong. I have also noticed that I am so much more creative in the kitchen as there is such a wide variety of produce to experiment with.

Lastly, Bennett and I have enjoyed coming home from work and spending time in the kitchen cooking and discussing our days. It has now become one of my favorite things to do for quality time with Bennett.

So, without further ramblings…here is a meal that I kind of made up with the help of combining several recipes I saw online-we will just called it Asian Style Chickpeas and Veggies!

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(*this picture shows a beautiful avocado, but I am such a novice still in cooking that it wasn’t ripe enough at allllll and we ended up taking it off the final product. But I promise the rest is yummy! :) )

Ingredients:

1 can of chickpeas (also known as garbonzo beans)

1 large onion

2 bell peppers, any color

Peanut oil (or whatever oil you have on hand) to coat the pan (about a tablespoon each)

1 tablespoon of garlic powder

1 tablespoon of onion powder

1 tablespoon of soy sauce

4 tablespoons of Hoisin Sauce

Dash of Sriracha

2 soft wheat tortillas

1. Preheat oven to around 250 degrees and place tortillas in oven to warm for approx. 5-7 minutes.

2. Drain chickpeas and pat dry with paper towel. Heat up sauté pan to medium/high and coat pan with 1-2 tablespoons of peanut oil. Saute for 10 minutes, stirring frequently.
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3. Cut up onion and bell peppers into pieces. Heat up another sauté pan to medium/high and coat pan with 1 tablespoon of peanut oil. Saute vegetables until caramelized (approx. 10 minutes).
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4. Remove chickpeas from pan with a slotted spoon and place on paper towel to soak up excess oil. Place back into the same pan and add garlic powder, onion powder, soy sauce, hoisin sauce and sriracha. Reduce heat to medium-low and allow to cook for 2-3 more minutes.

5. Combine veggies in with the chickpeas to coat the veggies with the same spices and sauces.

6. Place a nice spoonful on each wheat tortilla. You now have yourself a delicious meat free taco or fajita of sorts. The chickpeas and veggies can also be eaten by themselves they are so good!
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